Want to hear the strangest thing on earth?
Death is perhaps the most constructive fact of our
existence. Being aware of death throughout your life can beget the healthiest
attitude: one of perspective.
Countless people throughout history knew this too. The
ancient Greeks used to “practice death every day,” and the Toltecs would use
death as “fuel to live and to love.” The constant reminder ensured they would
live more boldly, more kindly, and with less fear.
The Good News About Death
Here's how the morbid subject can actually benefit us: Our
limited days on earth are the ultimate impetus to live with less fear and more
intention.
The majority of the time, many of us live as if there will
be no end to our days. We stay in unfulfilling careers. We remain in unhappy
relationships. We will travel the world “one day.” We fail to tell people how
much they matter to us. We hide our real truth, gifts, or talents from the
world because we are scared of being judged and criticized.
Losing a parent when I was young made this much more real
for me. I felt blessed to come to the realization of how precarious and
precious life is while still in my younger years. But you don’t need a loss
early in your life to take advantage of the wisdom that awaits you. Learn from
people who know.
One of my favorite books is Bronnie Ware’s international
bestseller The Top Five Regrets of the Dying. Ware was a hospice nurse in
Australia for several years and cared for patients in the last few weeks of
their lives. She writes with incredible clarity how similar regrets surfaced
again and again.
Surprise, surprise: There was no mention of insufficient
status; undelivered revenge; or sadness over not being the thinnest, prettiest,
or most famous. These were the most common regrets. (Numbers one and five could
make me weep.)
The 5 Most Common Regrets
1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself,
not the life others expected of me.
"This was the most common regret of all," Ware
writes. "When people realize that their life is almost over and look back
clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most
people had not honored even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that
it was due to choices they had made, or not made."
2. I wish I hadn't worked so hard.
"All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so
much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence."
3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.
"Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep
peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never
became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses
relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result."
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
"Often they would not truly realize the full benefits
of old friends until their dying weeks, and it was not always possible to track
them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let
golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about
not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved."
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
"This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not
realize until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old
patterns and habits. The so-called 'comfort' of familiarity overflowed into
their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them
pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content.”
Get Clear on What You Want
Here's an exercise I perform with my clients, which you can
do at home to figure out what you want to do, have, and be during your precious
days on planet earth.
Take an hour to be quiet with yourself, a time without
distractions when you will not be interrupted. Picture yourself in your elderly
years. Attempt to see your life through the lens of your 80- or even
90-year-old self.
Start a conversation with this wiser, older version of you.
Be blatantly honest. Ask yourself:
- What do I really, really, really want?
- Where am I holding back?
- What will I congratulate myself for having the courage to do, right now?
- What part of myself do I really need to honor and be true to (even if this goes against others' expectations of me)?
- What really makes me feel happy and alive?
- How can I make my happiness and my truth my number one priority?
It’s up to you to get the highest possible return on every
day of your limited life. You can eradicate these potential regrets, starting
now.
Whenever you think upon these questions, keep that older
version of yourself in mind constantly. And every day, with every small action
you take in the direction of your personal truth and happiness, he or she will
be there, encouraging you. And he or she will be smiling.
-Susie Moore